Letting Go of "Home"
By theprofessionalhobo ~ April 7th, 2007. Filed under: Toronto (still/again).
If you’re going on a big trip, the weight of such a venture rarely sinks in until you’re on your way. Most people going on a big vacation for example cite realizing the gravity of it only when they’re on the plane, or even once they’ve arrived.
Similarly, I have found that various parts of this trip aren’t sinking in right away. And the process of letting go is downright painful at times.
The hardest part of moving out was the moment we were standing in an empty place ready to hand over the keys. It was the realization that we simply couldn’t stay any longer, and the sadness in leaving it behind.
Once we were out, though, it was another story. It’s much easier to move on from something once it’s out of sight and reach.
Similarly the hardest part of leaving Toronto (so far) has been in the moments prior to departure. It’s when you’re staring at the people you love and places you know you won’t be back to in a long while that leaving is the toughest.
The people whom I have had the hardest time leaving are the very ones who have been the most supportive in helping me to let go. To let go of those things that have tied me down to a life that isn’t everything it could be for me.
And in grieving the close company of my friends and family, I have found freedom in their love and support.
I have had many (many!) teary days and nights in preparation for leaving on this trip. For somebody leaving the town they were born & raised in, I am struggling with my definition of home, being “homeless” and all.
But as each moment passes, I realize that it’s a small world after all, and home is where we make it. It may not be where the people we know and love are, but it is certainly felt when we know we are loved, no matter how far away we are.
Where or what is home for you?
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